This is me, working with my son on my back as an auction house product photographer in 2020. His first snow! And we got to experience it together.
When we work away from our babies, we miss so much—sometimes their first laugh, their first steps, or the funny things they say once they start talking. I was fortunate to work for an employer who valued me as both a professional and a mother, recognizing that I could still be a productive employee, even with my baby sleeping in a playtender by my desk, strapped to my back as I photographed furniture in the warehouse, or at my breast while I edited photos at the computer.
But not all working mothers are met with this level of understanding. Many juggle their careers and full-time childcare out of necessity, carving out creative solutions to make it all work. Some bring their children to the office, some work unconventional hours, and others run their businesses while managing the endless demands of motherhood.
During the pandemic, when remote work and childcare blurred into one exhausting cycle, the challenge of balancing both roles became apparent. When Covid hit, as a Wilmington, Delaware working mom, I was bringing my baby with me to work everyday along with my elementary school remote learners. I was doing it all and doing it well... Now, as a work-from-home mom raising my four children and half the nieghborhood while growing my birth and motherhood photography business, I often wonder if "doing it all" is truly possible.
In this article, I speak with women who, like me, have found ways to balance work and full-time childcare. Through their stories, we explore the triumphs, struggles, and realities of merging professional ambition with the relentless, beautiful chaos of raising children.
Mom Stories
Here is a collection of stories from real moms who are fortunate (and foolhardy) enough to work from home, or thier office, with thier kids. I hope you find thier stories inspiring, uplifting, and validating if you are on your own WFHM journey.
Emily, Parent Coach
Take things as they come. And give yourself grace for leniency on timing. Don't be like: "I need to get all of this done today" Because then putting off your child becomes a habit. And that happened for me for like two weeks and I had to snap out of it and be like "that stuff can wait, I need to be present for my child" In summary, putting your child first before the work even though work is important. Does that make sense?"
Oh, it does. I need to be following that advice myself! What you said is very true.
The work is always going to be there. this stage of your parenthood is not. And even if I have to squeeze in work at 2am while she is sleeping. Or during her nap time then that is what I have to do. I don't want to miss moments with her for something that will always be there. I am already working on that. I need to get better at that. That is my advice to myself"
Regan, Health Coach
What special circumstances make this situation (being a WFHM) work for you? Would you mind sharing some of the challenges and the joys of having your son home with you?
I had planned to work from home with my son for as long as I could. I knew I would be able to manage it more than I would have been able to with the structured hours I had had to work before. With my job now, I don't have structured hours and I know I can get my work done when I have time to get it done. My goal was to work from home with him up until the point when he started to crawl, and now he is crawling and working with him is still manageable for me.
What is your advice for somebody who is maybe has flexibility built into thier current job and considering doing this advice for somebody who is in the thick of it alongside you?
Don't worry about structure. for him I stay flexible with my schedule. I don't necessarily work around him-- I have him work around me in a way. I get more work done when he is sleeping, but I also know that I can put him in his crib and take a live call with him in the room and he is fine. He is a really good baby. Advice for a mom would be to not be too rigid about having a structure or nap time. Just got off your baby's cue and you will be able to do you work when they are sleeping.
What has been really cool about this work situation?
It makes me feel more human, I think. Rather than just a person doing a job. First and foremost, in my own home I am a mom over a health coach and then I can interweave what I am doing with members with hanging out with my son. It reinforces that I am a mom first.
Is there anything that has been particularly challenging about the way this is working for you?
The thing that is most challenging is that it is like you are working two full time jobs: you have your job and then the work of being primary care taker. And when you don't leave your house, there is no separation between them and your work day never ends. It's a 24 hour approach to the work day.
Do you find that your weekends feel different than your work days?
Yes, but mostly because my partner is home. During my work week we have a morning routine. I do get out of the house to drop my older son off at my in-laws house and my partner says goodbye to everyone before he leaves for work. On the weekends, we wake up and we aren't rushing out the door or going anywhere. I am able to focus my energy on just momming and not have to separate my roles throughout the day.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I think that if you have the flexibility to do it you should do it. With my older son, I wasn't able to have my job and also have him home with me even though I worked from home. And I missed out on a lot of the little things that I definitely have been able to experience with my younger son now. I've been able to notice the little things that he does that I probably wouldn't have been able to notice before.
What kinds of little things did you miss out with your older son? Can you share a specific example?
How hard it is to change a diaper! I don't think I changed very many diapers with my older son when he was an infant. He was being taken care of during the day and now that is all on me.
What is a special thing that you have gotten to experience with your younger son by getting to work at home with him?
His little faces! The little faces definitely started as a reaction to me-- scrunching up his nose. That stuff would happen at my in-laws with my older son, but not with me. I know him more, but with my older son I would just be told things about him in his infancy. And that was always hard That is why I wanted him to be home with me. It's great that I have in-laws who were able to take care of my son, and they shared insight into that but being Abe to know my own child first-hand is so much better.
Skylar, Data Analyst
I visited this mama during her breakfast routine, juggling work and kids last month. This is a scene that I can relate to. Weekday breakfast looks a little different at my house because my girls are older and can help the young ones fix cereal or take their dishes to the sink, but mom sitting in the kitchen with her laptop, answering emails and editing photos while everyone eats-- that is something they have all grown accustomed to. On one hand I am grateful to be able to share meals with my children-- I love the togetherness, conversation, and watching them grow-- but on the flip side, I’m working instead of making memories with them. Presence and balance is something I struggle with. Doing the work of being a mother is hard and doing this work on top of working to support your family is harder. When I am feeling productive, my presence with my children is lacking and vice versa.
Guess like your daily routine like how are you structuring it with the kids and getting stuff done?
I'm trying to kind of restructure our mornings. We're still in the midst of waking up multiple times a night to nurse. So honestly, up until last week, I was just kind of waking up at the same time they were. And that was a lot because when I opened my eyes, I was on the clock and everybody needed something. So now I'm trying to wake up like an hour earlier. Just so I can have a moment before I have to start everything. Nothing workwise is like red hot on fire. So as long as my job is done by the time I leave for the day, I'm fine.
That's nice That you're able to have that flexibility.
Yes, I get to spend this time with them pretty much undivided for breakfast and then my infant usually goes down for a nap by 9:30 and then, by that time, my toddler is in the playroom so I can focus for a little bit. We kind of just do that all day. And then he still takes a pretty long nap. I get a good probably hour and a half that they're both sleeping.
We're talking about having somebody come in, in the morning to spend time with him just to give him a little bit more structure-- especially as he is getting older. I want him to be learning and for his day to not be a free for all. We really have been trying to limit screen time.
That's my crutch. I'll usually take them out of the house from 9 to 12 and we will go the the Delaware Children's Museum, or to the library, or to the park during that time, but after we come home for lunch-- then I sit down and work as much as I can until my older kids come home from school. During that time the TV is often my babysitter.
What has been your favorite thing about being a WFHM?
Just being able to do this every day and see them learn new things every day. But a couple of months ago, he wasn't really talking-- he was signing more than he was talking. But now he has all these words and he is starting to be being able to tie things together more and more. And Then, bringing her into this and seeing how they're able to bond together everyday. They wouldn't be able to do that if they were in daycare.
You can tell they have a really special bond.
What I'm doing--all of the things all the time-- it's really hard! And I get burnout a lot. But like I wouldn't change anything if I had the option to because I've always wanted to be a mom. I've never had a career path in mind at all. Like this is what I've wanted to do. I don't like that I have to work at the same time. I would love to be able to take them out to the park, just the library, or wherever. But then I'm able to do that when I have finished my work.
What would your advice to somebody who's kind of maybe going through this right now themselves or contemplating it?
I would say the hills right through everything. And then once you're in this position, like don't forget about yourself. Because I'm I'm struggling with this right now. Just just the burnout. Quality and no thank you can I have your brain quickly?
Just play a central role but
but I'm struggling being in the all the time, like the self care aspect? Yeah. And doing things that are just for me not for anybody else. It's also
Do you typically put makeup on before starting your work day?
No, this is from yesterday.
Well, you look very nice today. I was asking because I didn't know if you got dolled up for pictures, or make-up was part of your daily routine. For me personally, I find that things like putting make-up on and making my bed are really important before I start my work day. Without a morning ritual, I'll just wake up, walk to my computer, sit down and start working.
Is there anything specific that you're trying to do for self care?
I start taking at least a 45 minute walk a day. It is like crazy, but that is self care. Like you have to schedule that in. As a mom, if you want to go to the gym, you have to put it on the calendar in the same way you schedule a doctor's appointment.
I have trouble. If I need to buy something for myself. I have trouble doing that. If they need an outfit for a random Saturday night, I have no problem getting them new clothes. But me I have a stained T shirt with holes and can't spend $20 on the new shirt. If one of the babies need something-- I'm right on it. So even just being better about spending money on myself is something I am working on-- I've worked for my money!
For me, it all kind of goes back to like, postpartum anxiety because when my son was born, especially after like his NICU stay, I just felt like no one else can take care of him the way that I do. I felt that I couldn't miss anything. And I think that that's just like, been what life has become. And it's hard. Especially since I'm with them all day. It's hard to never have a break.
I think we all could use a break. I used to work at a restaurant and the only way that you could take breaks was if you smoked-- if you were a nonsmoker and you were sitting around, then they would be like, "why aren't you working?" If you were sitting there smoking a cigarette, suddenly they were like, "Oh, you're on break". Yeah. That might be a strange analogy, but I often feel like I can't take a break during the day because I don't want to be caught just sitting around. And when I do there is so much guilt.
Stephanie, Lactation Consultant
I decided to bring my son with me because childcare is just too expensive. My husband and I tried in the past to split the duties between us-- when I would go to work, he keeps the baby at home-- but it was just too hard for him with his job and I just was like, "You know what? I'm going to bring him to work with me",
I was worried about at first that my clients would think it was disrespectiful and that having him here would take my attention away from the families I am working with. One of the things I worried about was that I didn't want my clients to feel that if my son was crying, I would have to take the time-- out of thier time with me-- to calm him down.
When I was working out of the home, I felt that way too when I brought my kids to work with me. I was always felt like it was an imposition. And that I was doing something wrong. Even though my employer was very supportive. You being self employed-- you set the standard. That is so cool.
I actually reached out to a professional network of lactation consultants and there was such a wide response of positivity. So many other lactation consultants have done this. And what I love the most was that somebody said that "we have to practice what we preach". We tell our parents, how important it is bring your babies with you where-ever you go and that you can do everything you need to do with your babies. And now I am showing them like that. We do it too.
My clients have been super supportive of it too. And usually I'm like, "Hey, I might have my baby is that okay with you?" And I haven't had one person say no.
I had a mom this morning. He was a little fussy and she was like, "you're fine. Do whatever you need to do. Like it's not a big deal." and I had another mom who said that she had no childcare with her oldest so had to do this. So I completely got it. It's been really nice to have that support.
What has been like the most challenging about this arrangement?
Now that he is getting bigger, he's not falling asleep as easily. He is also a little bit harder to wear and pick up the babies or when I have other babies like on my changing table to do like my oral assessments.
I love how comfomfotable your clients are with you bring your baby to thier appointments. I'm sure it's been so encouraging for them as new parents too.
It really has been great for so many reasons. Just being able for me to breastfeed in front of my clients-- I think that has been really helpful just to normalize everything. I feel like a lot of times when you are a first time parent-- or if you're like the first in your group of friends to have baby, or the first new group of friends to decide to breastfeed-- you might not have any models.
I had one mom, her son, she came in for pumping and her son sat in his car seat, and my son was in his little seat and they were just like looking at each other. And they were like the exact same age. And I was like, "Oh my god, you guys are on a little play date!" It was fun to see them looking at each other.
This is your third baby. Do you find that you have a different perspective on motherhood now that you're in it again?
It's definitely helped me remember how hard those newborn days are. Because the first few weeks of breastfeeding are harder. And even just feeling some of the nipple tenderness, or expieriencing breast engorgement again is humbling. It's rough to get through and, if it's your first time going through, it can really like rock you. I think being a mom again has helped remind me of like my patients and my first time moms are going through.
Is there anything else you want to share?
I think it is just that moms can work and can also have their babies. I hate this whole, "women have to work seperated from thier babies, or be home and not work" thing. It is hard to do both for sure. But if you have a supportive environment, it is totally doable.
Thanks for reading this far!
If you are interested in learning more about Stephanie, you can read an interview about her work as a lactation consultant HERE.
留言